🎲 How do most parents play with their kids?
In my experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, most parents instinctively use games and playtime as opportunities to teach their children something new. This makes sense—parenting involves protecting, loving, supporting, and guiding children as they grow. But just as essential is play for play’s sake. That’s where the art of balancing play and teaching in parenting becomes so important.
🧸 A Moment of Play
Picture this: You’re sitting with your daughter, playing with figurines. She grabs one, zooms it around the table, and shouts with delight, “She fast! She fast!”
Your instinct might be to correct her grammar: Actually, you forgot the word ‘is’. You need a verb to make the sentence correct.
But here’s the thing—this isn’t school. It’s playtime. And sometimes, kids just want to be silly with Mommy, Daddy, Auntie, or Brother. They want to laugh, imagine, and feel close—not be corrected.
Instead of pointing out the mistake, try this: Move your figurine in fast circles and smile. Say, “She is fast!” You’re gently modeling the correct phrase while joining her joy.
This technique is called reflecting—you echo what your child says, affirm its importance, and subtly guide them toward the right form. It’s playful, affirming, and incredibly powerful.
⚖️ Finding Balance in Parenting Roles
The best parenting happens when there’s a healthy mix of roles:
- Disciplinarian, Protector, Nurturer, Teacher, Playmate
Leaning too heavily into just one role—like always teaching or only playing—can lead to frustration. For example, a parent who only plays but never disciplines may find their child struggles in settings that require quiet or restraint, like churches, restaurants, or classrooms. Without guidance, the child may feel confused when suddenly told they can’t be loud or energetic.
Bonding moments can last a lifetime. Parents thrive when they find a healthy balance between their roles—protector, disciplinarian, nurturer, teacher, and playmate. Balancing play and teaching in parenting helps create a more connected and resilient relationship with your child. When one role dominates, it can lead to frustration, especially in moments that call for skills you haven’t practiced—like setting boundaries, encouraging silliness, or simply being present.
🌱 There’s No “Perfect Parent”
Parenting isn’t about perfection. There are endless books, seminars, and advice columns that can overwhelm even the most well-intentioned caregiver. But over time, things begin to feel more natural. You learn to trust your instincts. You see your child grow into someone who can navigate the world with confidence—because you’ve taught them well.
And even then, don’t forget to play. Because those silly, joyful moments? They’re the ones that last a lifetime.
Christina Castorena, LMFT, is a compassionate therapist with over 20 years of diverse clinical experience. She specializes in providing culturally sensitive, trauma-informed care to LGBTQIA+ individuals, children, and adults across all life stages. Christina is deeply committed to helping clients navigate challenges such as depression, anxiety, trauma, relationship issues, grief, and identity development. Her practice is rooted in evidence-based approaches and a warm, supportive environment where healing and growth can flourish.
Learn more about Christina Castorena’s therapeutic approach and professional background by visiting her About page, LinkedIn profile or her Psychology Today page.
Call Christina today to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation: +1 (818) 514-5655.